Power without push
Holding steady while inviting ownership
This is the first in a five-part series on leading through resistance. Over the coming weeks, we’ll explore what it really takes to lead when things slow down, get tense, or push back. This opening piece is about the shift from force to presence and how to stay grounded in moments of resistance and invite real ownership, without needing to drive the change process forward.
If you’ve ever tried to lead change, on a team, in an organisation, or even in a single conversation, you’ve likely met resistance. It shows up as silence, defensiveness, over-analysis, or the quiet refrain: “This won’t work.”
When that happens, our instinct is to do more. To clarify. To push through and to manage resistance using different tools.
But here’s the paradox: the harder we push, the more resistance we create.
What if real leadership isn’t about knowing the next move to manage resistance or driving the change process forward? What if it’s about something quieter, creating a kind of presence that invites power without push?
What surprised me most
Recently I was in a conversation about what shifts we needed to make as a team to uplift performance. The stakes were real, and the pressure in the room was present.
In my usual style, I opened the space with something more reflective. I invited people to share what they were feeling, what was getting in the way.
That’s when the resistance surfaced. People weren’t engaging. There was a long silence. A few polite deflections. Some mild defensiveness. Beneath the surface, the tension was building.
But the most surprising part wasn’t their resistance, I expected that. It was my resistance to their reaction.
I could feel it in my own body - a tightening in my chest, the urge to steer, to clarify, to fix it. I wanted to manage their discomfort and return us to the comfort of action. To make it productive. But that time, something stopped me. I recognised the pattern, not just in the room, but in myself. The part of me that knows how to lead with clarity and action was bumping up against a less familiar part. The part that’s willing not to know.
I’ve spent years honing vision, direction, and execution. I know how to lead with confidence. But this moment wasn’t asking for more clarity. It was asking for more space for people to process their emotional reaction to what was being asked of them, and I found it uncomfortable. The discomfort I felt wasn’t a problem to solve. It was a signal. A sign that I was stepping into unfamiliar territory. Not knowing. Not fixing. Not pushing.
Letting go of control can sometimes feel threatening. Like standing on a loose floorboard.
However, at the time I stayed. I didn’t reach for a solution. I held the moment open, even though it felt wobbly. And in that space, something subtle shifted. My team began to take ownership. Not because I directed them to, but because I didn’t.
When we stop over-functioning, we create room for others to step forward.
This is where real power lives.
Not in the push, but in the pull.
Not in controlling the outcome, but in holding a space strong enough for growth to emerge.
That kind of strength doesn’t come from knowing the answer.
It comes from building the capacity to hold ambiguity, tension, and the quiet unfolding of something we can’t yet name.
Power doesn’t always come from leading. Sometimes, it comes from waiting.
How to strengthen the muscle of presence
This kind of leadership presence is a muscle. And for many of us, it’s underdeveloped, especially if we’re used to being the one with the answers.
Here are some ways to start building it:
Start small. Try this in lower-stakes conversations or projects. Let a team member lead something you normally would. Step back and observe. Notice what comes up—for them, and for you.
Reflect on what helps you stay in uncertainty. What helps you feel safe enough not to know? Do you need more time, a shared intention, or a trusted colleague nearby? Build those supports in.
Get curious about the urge to intervene. When you feel it, pause. Ask yourself: What am I trying to avoid right now? Often, it isn’t chaos. It’s the discomfort of not being in control.
Use grounding practices. Breathe. Slow down. Feel your feet on the ground. These small gestures help regulate your nervous system and let others know they’re safe to stay in the unknown.
Leading with presence isn’t passive. It’s active, intentional work. It means choosing connection over control, curiosity over certainty.
When we lead with presence, we create space—not to direct others, but to allow what’s truly present in the room to emerge. That includes emotion. Uncertainty. And yes, resistance.
Presence over force is the foundation for leading through resistance. It’s what makes space for truth to be spoken, for tension to surface, and for people to take genuine ownership—not because they were told to, but because they felt seen enough to step in.
This is how lasting change begins. Not by doing more, but by doing differently. Not by managing resistance, but by creating space for it to be fully expressed.
Up Next: Resistance Is Data
In the next post, we’ll explore what happens when we stop seeing resistance as a problem and start treating it as information. What if resistance is a kind of intelligence, showing us exactly what we need to focus on to make the change stick?